Thursday, January 3, 2013

Joys of Parenting

So, here I am with a lingering low grade fever, exhausted, and just not well. However, the children are hungry, starving to be exact, or so they profess. So, out we head to grocery.

My youngest decides to act like a loon in the store. The middle one quite by accident , but the event would not have occurred if they had not been acting like heathens and taking advantage of the fact that I could barely breathe let alone scold, tripped the youngest. The youngest then fell flat on his face on the hard cold tile if the frozen food aisle of Fry's Foods. At this point blood begins to flow. Blood drips from the little guy's face like a leaky faucet. I with what little voice I have muster up a few commands and send the middle kid to get paper towels for the younger and the oldest to get a bottle of water of the shelf for the bleeding one. Finally we had the situation under control, but not before my new Christmas sweater had gone from a lovely light blue to a crimson red.

So, I do what all seasoned moms do and forged ahead. Little Guy is stumbling down the aisle now holding a blood stained towel on his mouth, me with blood spattered sweater, middle kid swearing it was an accident, and the oldest trying her best to stay the hell out of it all!

So, we finally get to the check out. However, only after I assess that due to holiday cheer I really can't even spare $8 for a box of Theraflu! I enter my Fry's card number and watch as the register adds up the meager items for my oh so neglected and starved children.

Finally, we are done; time to get the heck out of this place! Then I realized it, I felt the nagging suspicion as I rooted through my purse, my wallet, my blood stained sweater pocket, that yes, I had forgotten my ATM card at home. Could this get any better I wondered.

I spring into action and send Oldest to the car to search for the card , give Middle Guy the bad eye because Little Guy is starting cry because Middle Guy told him that he would have to starve now because mom can't pay for the donuts and steak fries he so badly needed for sustenance. Now, with Oldest Kid heading to search for ATM card, Middle Guy subdued by the evil eye and Little Guy happy because the cashier gave him a cheap Fry's balloon I start to feel hopeful all will be well.

Then my cell phone rings; it is Oldest Kid , NO ATM CARD IN CAR! I have to ask the cashier to hold my order while we race home to look for the card. Little Guy freaks out because we are leaving with no food, Middle Guy thinks it is hilarious, and Oldest has the look of fear in her eye as well pile back into the car.

I burst into tears rambling something about how I cant have anything an my sweater is ruined and how Nuns have the right idea, it was all heading to a really bad place when Little Guy says

"it is ok mama, my lips did not fall off"

Middle Guy looks at Oldest Kid, who looks at me to judge the situation ad we all bust out laughing at the absurdity of it all. There we sat, bloody, starving, crying, feverish, and thankful that Little Guy's lips had not fallen off in the Hot Pocket aisle of the grocery.

Needless to say, we returned to store with card in hand and retrieve the groceries. We made it back home, I was sicker then before and in no mood to cook. It went from Portuguese fries and Chaurice sandwiches to microwaved hot dog night in all of about 45 minutes.

As my grandmother would say " Family life, isn't it Grand!"

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